I know I have been ghost for the past few months. There was so much going on in this case, I was starting to really lose bits of myself. Seriously, I had so many feelings… some are shameful to admit… so I would get stuck writing because I didn’t know how to express myself. So, here is an attempt to catch up on the more than year hiatus of writing. I know I will miss a lot of things, so bear with me.
The beginning of 2023, Busy Bees case was heading to TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) that in itself was a lot, but I was also starting a new job and I just had a lot of feelings surrounding the gravity of what was going to happen (it was inevitable in this case) and how to continue moving forward. Along with that I was dealing with Busy Bee’s bio parent really causing me some stress and anxiety for no apparent reason. I don’t really go on about dealing with bio families because I always try to show respect to everyone, but also… this is on the public internet… so I don’t want to put too much of my daughter’s business out there. Let’s just say it was a rough 2-3 months where I started to suffer from major anxiety and really couldn’t turn to anyone for help. I started praying and asking the Lord to help me make the right decisions. I loved Busy Bee with my whole heart, but I really started questioning if I had what it took to deal with her bio family for the next 15 years. The way I was treated, I couldn’t imagine having to go through that for years. Ultimately, I decided (of course) that I loved my little girl too much to let the stress of the process or the belligerence of people get me down or make me change my word on providing care as the permanent parent of my daughter. I am ashamed to admit that I thought those thoughts, but I had to make sure my thoughts and intentions were clear and true.
In January, TPR was granted and the case was officially headed towards adoption. There was a whole other issue between the Department and the attorneys on who was filing what paperwork and why another party was responsible for each part. To me, it was all very silly, and I often wondered if the goal was achieving permanency for a child, why everyone who worked in the field of helping children… fought about what they were “not going to do” to help the child. That additional stress lasted for another 3-4 months.
I was so stressed because Busy Bee was starting pre-school in August and although she was enrolled, I really wanted her to start school with her new official name. When we had court in April, the judge told the court that he wanted Busy Bee to start the school year with the name that I wanted her to have. I kind of held on to that and my brain couldn’t comprehend why that wasn’t happening. Around the first week in August, I realized that would not be a reality and I came to grips with that fact. I was upset, hurt, and just tired. Plain TIRED!!! To put in into perspective, Busy Bees goal changed to adoption February 2022 with TPR happening in January 2023. I had seen other foster parents have TPR after me and move towards adoption and I was still waiting… although I knew it was coming… adoption couldn’t come fast enough. Let me make a sidenote here, I don’t want to come across as selfish as I know that TPR means the loss of bio parents and loss of a child so I don’t want to seem like I am not sensitive to that. I am very much aware of the trauma that accompanies adoption on all parties. Okay, so back into my story, I really wanted adoption to happen just for having the rights to legally make decisions for my child. For example, this summer I finally took a trip out of the U.S. with Busy Bee. We went on a cruise, and I had to have a notarized letter by the Department to stating that I had permission to travel with her. So, when we arrived at the cruise terminal, I had to present the letter… the rep held the seal up to the light and rubbed the seal between her fingers to feel that it was raised. She also had to go speak to her manager about how the letter was written. I was so scared because we had driven all the way to NJ to get on the boat and Busy Bee was so excited to go on the “Big Boat.” If we had to turn around and go back home, I know we would have both been disappointed (and honestly, I would have been really mad). I know that they have to do their diligence to make sure the child is not in danger but as the child’s full-time parent for the last 3.5 years… it’s just tiring. To top it off, when I got off the boat with Busy Bee to go on a tour, I was almost not allowed back on the boat with her because our last names weren’t the same! I was so scared… I really was, and I am so happy that I don’t have to go through that again.
After 5 months of waiting, the week of August 28th I got the shock of my life when my attorney called me and let me know that there was a possible adoption date for that Friday!!!! We still had to make sure Busy Bees worker was available that day, but everyone else was available. She asked me if I wanted to take that date… and I screamed YES!! I cried so hard, I could barely call my mom and get the words out. It was happening, I couldn’t hardly believe it.
On September 1, 2023, I testified in front of a judge and an entire room of supporters that I promised to take care of my most precious gift, my daughter. I still can’t believe it, but it keeps becoming more and more true in my mind and in reality, as just yesterday I received my daughter’s new birth certificate with my name listed on the line as her parent. It’s so surreal and a dream come true. I never thought I would become a mother this way, but God knew and planned it in His perfect way. I know it come out of brokenness and trauma, but as it is said, He creates beauty out of ashes.
A Journey Through Foster Parenting 